ngi ne themba (feelmyola) wrote,
ngi ne themba
feelmyola

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i've been erased

last night i stayed up until four am trying to fall asleep.
i thought about a ton of things too.
childhood, high school, middle school, old friends, new friends, friends to be made, choices to be made, choices made, life, lack there of life, music, etc.

i had a lot of time to think.

and then i woke up this morning in a horrible mood that carried on through out the day.
and i thought some more while i was folding towels at work.
i thought, wow, is this how im going to spend my summer.
folding towels, waiting for something exciting to happen?

it was depressing actually.
then everything i've done up to that point felt wrong.
but a good wrong... like, hey here's something i know i would never do.
and i did it, and if felt good.
in an akward way though.

and if you are trying to figure out what im saying.
well then that makes two of us.

i miss it, not gonna lie.
i miss the freedom, the happieness, the feeling of not caring.
but who doesn't? everyone needs a little boost here and there.

so here's what i know.
i know
being around most people makes me feel good.
laughing makes me happy.
music is my drug.
paris hilton & lindsey lohen make me sick.
everything is overrated.
people need to love themselves before they let others love them.
life is too complicated to settle for okay.

i wish i was more spontaneous.
i wish i had more courage to say.
hey fuck this im leaving to travel and who know's when i'll be back.
but whatever i find on my way, will be 65216854 time better than what's here for me.
i wish a lot of things.
and now, i guess im done with wishing.
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